I've been reluctant to leave Mali with babysitters/family on weekend nights these past several weeks that I've been back at work because I feel like I get to see her for too short a time during the day as it is. That will change soon though, since I've turned in my notice at work and have taken a freelance position where I can work from home! But, in the meantime, we've been choosing our weekend activities based on whether or not we can bring a baby. This gets a little tricky since she's generally very good, and places that might be questionable seem totally reasonable since she's happy wherever she is. Last night we'd made plans to meet a friend at a, well, bar for around 6:30. It technically is a restaurant, but since they're known for their expansive beer selection (and we're into that sort of thing) I tend to think of it in those terms first before I think food. We'd had some storms come through, and so we got off to a later start than we'd originally planned. First problem. But, I fed Mali at home just before we left, and I had a bottle defrosted for later since I knew I'd have a beer or two, so timing seemed to be working out fine. We sat down just after a party of 12 though, so the restaurant's already notoriously laid back service slowed down to a ridiculous crawl. Second problem. But, Mali was fascinated by the porch fans, and the couple next to us oohed and ahhed over her so much they got nostalgic for their 7-year old twins at home and spent the rest of their time looking at pictures of them on their phone. We were "the couple with the baby," and lots of servers came by to meet her, and that seemed okay. But 9:00 p.m. rolled around and we were just served our food, and Mali, understandably, was starting to get fussy and tired. Third problem. Luckily our friend has kids, and sine he wasn't eating he offered to hold Mali, and she was out within minutes. We finished our meal, another giant party sat down, and we ordered our last beer with our check. The baby was asleep, totally fine and safe. But the place was starting to get crowded with the just-there-for-drinks set, and I was starting to feel like an irresponsible mommy. I think part of the problem was context. Partying 20-somethings and sleeping babies don't mix. We weren't doing anything wrong, technically, but it sure felt like it. And it's not as if people were giving us dirty looks. This was just me feeling awkward. We didn't have a whiny two-year old we were forcing to stay up past her bedtime because we wanted to stay out. Mali could not have cared less where she was sleeping. She was warm and clothed and taken care of. We weren't drinking in excess, so all of us were safe on the drive home. We were just enjoying a rather late dinner with a friend ... in a bar. I should probably just appreciate how portable she is at this stage and not worry, but I don't want to accidentally do something harmful to my child because I'm blase about bringing her wherever we go. I guess this is the balancing act of parenting. Maybe we are horrible, but it didn't feel that way, just awkwardly timed. Either being a parent doesn't have to mean I change who I am and what I enjoy, or I'm still naive and selfish and I'll find out the hard way. All I know is that I love my baby and would never do anything intentionally to harm her, but I still feel like apologizing to the world for having her out last night. Mommy guilt, I guess.
P.S. This rare lily bloomed in front of our house this week. Beautiful, huh?
No comments:
Post a Comment